Friday 9th May 1980

Over the next few days, we meet, we do the "usual" things.
The park, the club and a visit to the Rio.
It all seems fine.
We walk along with my arm around her shoulders.
Her arm is always around my waist.
We are affectionate. We kiss.
But when I walk her home, after the Rio, on Friday, she brings up the idea of engagement again.
She makes it quite clear that she doesnt want us to get any closer than we are now - prior to getting engaged.
And yet, at the same time, she makes it quite clear that she does want us to get closer. Just as soon as we are engaged.
I want us to get closer too. But I don't want to get engaged.
I am only 17.
She is not long past 16 and still at school, planning to do A levels until 18.
We are having a great time.
We both feel a lot for each other.
Why the hell would we want to change that and get engaged? 
What would that add?
Why cant we just take things as they are?
We argue for the first time.
It's no great row. We just differ. We disagree. 
But it sours things.
I try to placate her by lying and saying that I am happy if we go no further. Just keep things as they are.
That seems to be the wrong thing to say. Creates the wrong impression.
"So you dont want us to get any closer?"
No. That's not what I meant. But I cant explain myself.
At her door, after a few brief kisses, she goes in.
I half-heartedly put it down to drink. We'd had too much to drink at the Rio.
At least that is what I told myself....