Sunday 29th June 1980

When I get to the youth club on Sunday, Julie is already there. 
We walk up to each other, on the landing, and take each others hands.
We pull each other towards one another. 
And we kiss on the lips.
I ask her how she is. She tells me she is fed up.
The sun is out. The music is disco. And so I suggest we go and sit outside.
We go out. Sit on the steps of the church.  
Somewhere in the distance I can hear thunder.
I have my arm around her shoulders.
And she is very happy for me to do that.  
"What is this all about?" I ask her. "Why are we coming apart like this?"
"I dont know. I just want to be sure of what we have", she says.
"We are sure", I say.
It's hard to progress any further.
I've told her that I want us to stay as we are.
But, really, neither of us want that.
I know it. She knows it.
We want to get closer to each other.
But she won't get closer unless she feels 'sure of what we have'.
We sit together for a little bit longer.
The distant storm seems to get closer.
She turns and looks straight into my eyes.
"I think we'll have to split up".
Despite everything, this comes as a shock.
And I dont know what to say.
I touch her cheek.
She does not flinch.
It seems completely natural to both of us that I do this.
"Why?" I eventually say. Managing not to cry.
"I'm fed up arguing. I'm fed up going through this every time we meet", is almost the worst answer she can give me, and yet the very one she does.
I look at the ground.
What to say? Or to do?
"Can we go now?" she says, "I mean, will you walk me home?"
It is only 8.30pm.
But what can I say?
"Yeah, sure".
We walk slowly back in the evening sunlight.
Back along these now familiar roads.
Past now familiar landmarks.
We walk arm in arm.
There is no anger or bitterness tonight.
"Shall we go to the off licence?" I suggest, as we near her front door.
"No, I dont want to. I just want to go home".
So we stop. Just there, where we are. At the end of her path.
Holding both of her hands in mine.
We kiss.
Long and passionately.
Almost like a farewell. But somehow I know it's not that. Not yet.
Then we part.
And I watch her walk up her drive and into her house.
I walk home.
Slowly.
And then it starts to rain a heavy thundery rain.